The Pursuit of…
The Pursuit of…
The inspiration for this article comes from three different comments I got from three different persons. They were the types of comments that stay hidden into your mind for a long, long time, and you think about them from time to time, but you never truly forget them. They’re just there, and you can’t even explain why you keep bothering about them, why can’t you store some other kind of information into your brain, rather than random remarks… except they’re not that random.
These three comments seemed quite different from each other until I suddenly saw them like the pieces of a puzzle, which somehow started making sense in a second. It’s the same feeling you’ve got when you start thinking about something, then your mind wanders towards something else, and so on until you stop and wonder how you got from A to Z, when they’re not related at all… But anyway, the first remark was given to me by a girl of my age, whom I had just met that evening. Somehow we ended up talking, and somehow the topic turned out to be the long distance relationships, which I mentioned that I don’t particularly enjoy. But right after that, her comment, half question, half pity, froze me for a second. ‘You have been in many long distance relationship, then?… ‘ Well, guess what, I have not. Not even in one. But I’ve seen enough around me – I have eyes, you know. I have ears, I have imagination, I have friends who’ve been there. And yes, I know you can’t really put yourself in someone else’s shoes when it comes to feelings and all that, but still, I do not have a good opinion about a relationship with someone you meet once a month, at least of course not without a proper foundation, let’s say. I know it’s hard, I know everyone knows it’s hard… Still you are allowed to say that I haven’t experienced such a level of love that is above all these – ‘cuz you’re probably right. I’m aware of the fact true love beats distance, but does true love really exist…? (I’ve written here an article about soul-mates some time ago – and I pretty much still have the same principles).
The second remark was made online by a friend, with whom I somehow managed to have a deeper conversation even though that didn’t happen often. And by deeper, I mean about happiness. I mentioned not having a boyfriend and then I asked for his opinion about how I could be happier. I don’t know if I expected his answer to be related to some relationship thing, but it wasn’t. ‘Just make more of what makes you happy.‘, then ‘And having a boyfriend doesn’t guarantee happiness, does it?‘. And he was right. I knew that, I had known that beforehand, I had experienced it at some point. And I know that there’s no one who can make you happy except yourself, as you can’t really be happy with someone else until you learn it by yourself. And you may be sad now that you’re single, but you may be even sadder with someone wrong near you. So as much as I like to pretend that being single is the reason for my occasional lack of happiness, I know I have to admit that’s not the case. It’s something deeper, that no one can figure out except myself; after realising what makes me happy and what doesn’t, I can start working more on the first bit, and improve my happiness, I guess.
The last remark is the one that put everything together in a bigger picture. It was addressed to me by that one guy which I could consider being the cause of my unhappiness, except I know that’s not the case. I think I’ve mentioned him about that, about sometimes being unhappy. And his reply made me half frown, half smile. ‘You’re the one who’s got a job, so stop complaining‘. And I stopped, but just because I didn’t know how to respond. Yes, I got a job, and yes, I will be moving to the capital city soon. But an old cliché proverb says that money doesn’t necessarily bring happiness – although, I know, it’s a lot more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bike. Still, it doesn’t guarantee happiness, the same way having a boyfriend doesn’t. What the job guarantees, though, is the fact that I’ll move outside this city. Which brought into my mind the first remark; what if a boyfriend would have been left behind? Then it would have been a long distance relationship. So… isn’t it better that this is not the case? Isn’t it better that I do not have a boyfriend, with whom to have a long distance relationship, which I doubt would be that pleasing?… Yet I’ve heard though that such relationships do have their benefits; plus of course, many other possibilities exist, such as the boyfriend coming to the capital city, money buying happiness, or me discovering that even a long distance relationship is not that bad. For now, though, I’ll stick to what I have, which is the future job. That may not be enough to make me happy, but hey, it could have been worse, right?
NOTE: Three months after writing this as a draft, I had the chance to date someone and perhaps even be in a relationship, but I chose to end it after a really short time. And it proved me everything I had already written in here, everything I was trying to convince myself when I was typing the above thoughts. Now I know, I’ve felt it, I’ve lived it. A relationship does not guarantee happiness. Your attitude does, and the better the relationship is, the better your attitude – but also the other way around. Until you realise you’ve got the relationship you want, don’t offer your happiness “bare-handed” to anyone – it’s too precious and too fragile, just like your heart, and you should handle both of them with kid gloves. Learn to value yourself and be happy whether you’re single or not, whether you’ve got that job or not – but hey, at least you can still do more of what you like, and if that doesn’t make you happy, I don’t know what else does.
Bottom line, of course, don’t worry, be happy! It’s well worth it 😀